In the early 1980’s, convinced it would be the next break-out sensation, Nathaniel DeMont invested heavily to create DeMont Keytars; a shop designated exclusively to the sale and construction of keyboard synthesizers you wear like a guitar. Unfortunately, like the rat-tail and POGS, keytars were a short-lived fad. DeMont, having sunk his life savings into the business, pivoted to guitars. “Turns out the straps work on both. I was able to salvage half my inventory.” He said, shrugging seductively. Since then, DeMont Guitars has become the number-one combination guitar shop & small animal taxidermist in Northern Illinois. Contrary to recent news reports, bear meat that was discovered on the premises WAS acquired (and subsequently) consumed, legally.
To facilitate the acquisition of quality instruments, service and best friendship in order to spread music, love and bed bugs to the world.
Meet our staff, a posse of outlaw banditos; an all-star team of MVPS; a mob, clan and crew of more than a few; a gaggle and gang of a great group of goofy goobers; a squad of squares, boasting a combined 37 toes and over 400 parking tickets; some real cool dudes.
Nathaniel “Baritone Nate” DeMont was born outside of a small shack in rural Utah with all of his adult teeth. Nate’s first experience with a guitar has been traced back to an underground Fender dueling ring out of Detroit. Anecdotal evidence supports Baritone losing every single match. After that, he found himself hitchhiking through the Rockies. On this path he was picked up by Lou Bega’s tour bus, and they traveled a brief time together writing 4 mambos before parting ways due to creative differences.In the Spring of 2000 Baritone won his name in a poker match. To this date, Baritone Nate DeMont has been asked to leave 32 Applebee’s nationwide. Now, due to his dependency on well water from the Fox River watershed, he owns a guitar shop in Oswego, IL.
Travailler avec DeMont Guitars est son travail, mais sa véritable passion est de maintenir indéfiniment son personnage de hobbit en costume et en apparence générale. Il y a peu de compétition pour ce record, car peu d'êtres humains possèdent le niveau d'engagement et la bizarrerie globale pour maintenir un personnage de cosplay 24/7 pour une durée réelle. Dorian est toujours prête à signer des autographes ou à poser pour des photos.
Found on the stoop of our door with only a label indicating his name as "Skrillex"'as a young child of twelve, and unable to speak, we molded this boy into one of our own. Now he spends his mornings sorting your orders and adjusting inventory. Someday we hope to hear his first word.
Born high into the hills of the favelas in Sao Paulo, Hiromi learned, at an early age, to make a living collecting scrap metal. By the age of 3, realizing it was more profitable to fashion this metal into usable products, Hiromi opened her own blacksmith shop. After saving several dollars, then losing them due to a lack of pants, and then saving a few more for pants, she put the rest towards airfare to tJapan where she bribed customs officers to claim them as their own. Now she makes works with DeMont Japan & Guyatone.
A wanderer from the East. It’s rumored he came from Russia, both because of his general style and the fact that he only drank liquids derived from potatoes. He won over the locals with his loud laugh and even louder weeping. But they soon discovered he had made off with their beloved pickled eggs. Wherever there is the smell of sulfur and vinegar, wherever people’s desire for pickled eggs goes unsatisfied, wherever bearded men are treated like Soviet era communists, Phil is there.
In the early 90’s, local government spent thousands of dollars building fences to help boost the local economy. In the haste , a small boy became trapped by one such fence. Funding for the project ran out, leaving the boy stuck. Over time, locals began to feed him. Names like ‘Fence boy” or “Ratty” were thrown around, but “Ryan” was the only one that stuck. Ryan has lead an average life. He eats whatever is given to him or blows within arm reach, learned to count cigarette butts, and has enjoyed seeing passerby’s shoes & ankles. Currently there is a gofundme to pay towards removing the fence pinning Ryan's lower half.
Dan has been teaching lessons for as long as anyone can remember. His giant-like hands and soft-spoken words create the most beautiful music.
Once crossing pathes with John Steinbeck at a local convience store, Dan became losley referenced as a character in the book "Of Mice and Men"
In what-is-now the Czech Republic, there is a story told by the gypsies -of a discarded store mannequin; tattered in an old alley way, that was enchanted by the gods. The mannequin was called ‘Frank,’ which in their gypsy tongue meant, “awkward closeness.” And he was set out into the world. The legend has been told throughout the generations, from region to region, slowly making its way to the Midwest. Around that same time, the mysterious Frank Tedrahn showed up at DeMont Guitars looking for work. The complete absence of body hair or nipples, and his affinity for standing, has caused some to consider that this Frank is THE Frank of Czech lore. Only time will tell.
Josh Kilgore, pictured here, was witnessed “vigorously smelling” the guitars, amps, couches, and television monitors at local business DeMont Guitars. This still was taken from the security feed of Kilgore, who is now being portrayed by media outlets as “The Nose”. Many local businesses, retirement communities, and water treatment plants have come forward reporting similar occurrences with this individual. Owner Nathaniel DeMont is looking to locate “The Nose” because DeMont has “lots of things that need smelling” and is asking if anyone has information about Josh to please contact (347) 433-6668. Authorities warn that Josh can, and very likely will, smell you- Proceed with Caution!
Let's get it out of the way, "Shadow" is his real name. Shadow holds many passports, and several green cards. His actual ethnicity is unknown, but rumored to be 30% Hispanic, 27% Arabic, 12% Lithuanian and 35% Native American. ...at least according to AncestoryDNA test kits. Scruples being 'iffy' at best, Shadow remains IN the shadows of the back room of the shop, testing equipment. He also drives our famous friends in his various limos and converted school-buses.
Yes, there is a pickle in his hair. No, no one has ever mentinoed it to him. This is they way he lives. David is known for his unblemished looks, and draws his beauty-mark on his cheak every single day.
The first records of Mr Toshi are during the fateful event in 1985 during a celebration of the Japan Baseball Series Tiger's win, when a group of excited fans heaved a large statue of Colonel Sanders into the Dōtonbori Canal with themselves. In their merry frolic, they unwittingly induced a curse and the Tigers have never won a series since. Trying to redeem himself, Toshi began designing instruments and circuits for many famous manufacturers and artist. Now he is the head engineer for Guyatone and runs DeMont Japan.
Zach is the youngest of 10 siblings conceived, born, and raised in Bear, Delaware. His upbringing was awkward, as his family was a troupe of traveling mimes/ amateur VCR repair-people. The converted 1987 Fiero camper was a tight squeeze, and they had to sleep in shifts. Tired of having the 1-6 pm sleeping period and the constant mime makeup-related rashes, Zach decided to strike it out on his own, leaving the rolling gravel pits of Delaware to head west. Thirteen dollars & his VCR repair skills carried him as far as Oswego, IL, where he found a home amongst the piles of obsolete technology in the bathroom of DeMont Guitars. He was able to live undetected for 16 days. Once discovered, he was allowed to stay on as a small-engine-disassembler in exchange for never-miming again. Ever.
Janet DeMont, or as she is more often referred to as her stage name "Grezmatelda" is often heralded as the "mother of modern contortionism". Her time at DeMont Guitars is usually overshadowed by her extensive career in niche presentations and art installments combining unnatural body positions, dubstep music and finger paints. Dr. James McDevor, professor of New Medias at University of North Pheonix, described the prolific work as "Stop asking for a quote, I don't know who you are talking about." Grezmatelda finished her performance career as part of a Vegas lounge act with Barry Manilow's brother Phillip, and now is currently using her unique talents around the shop at DeMont Guitars.
Jess comes to us from a long, tedious career as an amateur ninja and part-time dog collar-designer. Her combination dojo/dog fashion depot was featured on BuzzFeed's list “10 Places That Seem Made Up” as well as the county health department's list “10 Places That You Shouldn’t Eat a Walking Taco In”. Both list-makers were unavailable for comment. Jess took her extensive experience of wearing black and fashioning shiny things into dog collars and a career pivot into DeMont Guitars. So far the ninja activity in the shop is up 116%. Bedazzled leather garments currently remain at the same rate but, admittedly, have not declined.